h.darwisyah

Thursday 10 September 2015

My scars will always be there to remind me everything happened for a reason, that the past is real, but I just gotta keep my head up high and smile and threw all the pain. I've never realized how much my mood can change in a matter of days. I went from being on a high of complete happiness to feeling completely numb, empty and not good enough. I cried, and cried before I couldn't cry anymore. I felt the pain of having something you loved dearly be ripped from you, it wasn't pretty and I hated it, I completely detested it. Music became my best friend and it helped but then it did nothing but create doubts in my already crazy but fucked up head. I knew somewhere deep down things weren't running smoothly, and I tried my hardest to just ignore those thoughts, and while I suceeded in ignoring those thoughts, others were filling my mind, ones that were depressing and ones which were along the lines of "why are you even alive?" or, "who are you supposed to be?" and I asked myself such questions all weekend, I am a mess. When am i ever going to love myself for who I am? Never. Everyone says that I'm good enough and I don't believe it. I'm only good enough for a blada and that;s it.