Monday, 19 October 2015
STRANGER'S. Posted at 03:12 0 comments (+)

Today is one of those day. Those days that hurt me whenever i;m reminded of. You know what i'm talking about.

You know that feeling? When you're just waiting to get home, into yr room, close the door, fall into bed and just let everything out that you kept in all day. That feeling of both relief and desperation. Nothing is wrong but nothing is right either. 

You're just tired. Tired of everything, tired over nothing and you just want someone to be there and comfort you while telling you that it's okay but no one going to be there and you know you have to be strong for yourself because no one can fix you. 

You're tired of waiting. Tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else. Tired of being strong all day while put on a fake smiles throughout the day. For once, you just want it to be easy, to be simple, to be helped and to be save but you know you won't be but you're still hoping and you're still wishing and you're still staying strong and fighting with tears in your eyes and heart. You was drowning but no one ever saw your struggle. You're fighting over yourself for yourself.

To you my ex-bestfriend,
The very first time the two of us met, we were caught in a friendship's net. You and I, together gelled so damn well. We;re a obviously a bit awkward at first but as time passed by, we grew closer and closer. To the world outside, you gave me and easier exposure. I have depended on your advice all my life along. We;re always comforting each other. I will always be thankful for those short moments we shared. They brought us closer to each other like butter and bread and those crazy things we did together.

We've drifted apart. We're becoming more awkward. We're almost at a stranger level right now in 2015. As i stand here with the fear i always knew that you would be there through thick and thin, good times and bad times.

You were the best friend I really ever had. I comes to you with the trouble with the pains and sympathy I had but I realize that I can't because you're no longer here with me. 

You would brighten up my day with a beautiful smiles on your face. You were always happy whatever you went through. 

If I could of told you my last words before we;re drifted apart like this, I would tell you that iloveyousomuch and i'm grateful for knowing you even for a short times and i am sorry for all my bad attitude or words thats ever hurts you. 

You were something great and i knew if i had something to talk about, I would always come to you. You will always be in my heart and a part of my precious memories that i'll never forget and the best friend i ever knew.

Just because we don't talk anymore, doesn't mean i've forgotten about you. It doesn't mean that I no longer care. Truth is i still do. I do my best to check up on you, to see how you're doing. To see if you're okay but everytime i get the urge to talk to you, it suddenly hits me that we're no longer each other comforter. 

We're stranger, you don't want me in your life anymore, hence the reason i'm no longer part of you but even thought everything's changed; i just want you to know that i'm still here, i'll still be here for you, i;ll still lend you my shoulders and ears. I don't care what time it is, what i'm doing either sleeping or awake, don't hesitate to talk to me, because half the time, i wish that you were talking to me. 

I just miss your presence, i miss you being my best friend, spent a lot of times together lates at night, i just miss you, so much, that its hurt.

I'm mad at myself, not you.

I'm mad for always being nice, always apologizing for things I didn't do, for getting attached, for making you my life, depending on you, wasting my time on you, thinking about you, forgiving you, wishing for you, wanting to talk to you, a lot..........

Most of all, 
For not hating you which I know i should,

I just can't.

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Hajjatul Darwisyah Mohd Zaaba.


Kedah, Malaysia.

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